Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Divorcing an Idea

I wear a ring on my left hand.
I'm not married.
I'm not engaged.
Not as Naughty as it First appeared -
Photo Credit: Kelsey Keating

It's my purity ring, and I've had it since I was 13.  The way I saw it, my purity ring was a place holder - a way of saying I was waiting for the one who would replace that ring when I reached the right age.

It has become a part of me.

Lately, as I've reached the age of 24 (almost), most people see my ring and assume it means I'm married.  Rightly so, as that is what it looks like at first glance.  People close to me have taken to telling me that THIS is the reason why no guy has asked me out, hit on me, flirted with me etc.

Recently I've considered switching my ring to my right hand to better show off that I am "available".

But here's my problem...
  • I LIKE it on my left hand.  It's comfortable. It belongs there.  It feels weird on my right hand.
  • Having a ring on my left hand keeps me from being hit on by creepy guys or jerks.
  • A ring on my left hand means someone has to get to know MORE than just my name to find out I'm single.  They actually have to make an effort to have a conversation with me as a human being and NOT as a prospect (I don't know why, but being seen as a prospect really irks me).

I've been married to this idea - to the idea that I can wear my purity ring HOW I want to wear it WHERE I want to wear it.
Yet everyone around me is asking me to divorce it.  They're asking me to divorce this silly notion that a guy would want to talk to me just to talk to another person. No man will bother to even ask my name if he sees I'm wearing a ring.
Isn't it Pretty?
Photo Credit: Kelsey Keating

Now, I like that a guy won't hit on a married woman - that's a very good thing - but each and every one of my coworkers and friends knows I'm single.


Because they know me.  They talk to me.  

So now I I divorce the idea of people caring about more than just my looks enough to have a conversation?  Or do I play stubborn, stick to my guns, and remain married to the hope that a guy who knows me will be the one to make a move? Come on, Brant*!

I can't decide, so feel free to sound in. 

*Brant - Semi-generic name for whoever "the one" is.


Kelly Keating said...

Once again... You're awesome :)

Caleb Scotson said...

My gut reaction as I was reading was to get ahead of myself and thought "well if he knows her well enough to be asking her out then he will know she is single..." but I stopped my self. I said to myself, "Let Kelsey finish the story before I start thinking to much." Then you said the same thing.... :P

I have had lots of people give me meaningful and sincere advice on my singleness, as it seems you have, and I a hard time knowing what to listen to. However, I do know some strong convictions that I will not budge on very much. One of those is the fact that I choose not to leave a wake of girls that I dated. I will not be the guy that finds someone cute, asks them out, builds their affections, then dumps them because I didn't know them well enough in the first place. And this stance has probably helped my single status stay as long as it has... That sucks but I still would rather be single live like that.

So that has a big part in what "I" would suggest to any girl. Don't let some guy treat you like an experiment. If they don't think you are worth getting to know for a month or two (and finding out your single should take much less time than that) then are they really what you want? Because all they probably are looking for is a make-out partner....

So short story long, If YOU want the ring, and want it on your left, keep it! That is who YOU are. Find someone that wants YOU for who you are, purity ring and all.

Ok, I am done now... :)
but really don't take my advice, do what you want. Make it your relationship not someone else's.

Caleb Scotson said...

PS. Sorry for the painful grammar, punctuation, spelling....

Robin Harnist said...

I like the idea of wanting a guy to get to know you enough, etc. However, have you considered: Many men, especially the ones you are hoping to attract (so to speak), won't try to get to know a young, beautiful married woman as it is an iffy ground.

My policy is that if you are in a committed relationship, you aren't close friends with opposite sex. It can open too many doors for feelings to develop with the other person, something to occur (not that I would), or something to appear to occur. I don't give my boyfriend any reason to doubt my fidelity.

I know a lot of single people (guys and girls) who have the same philosophy. Out of respect for the couple, they refrain from building a relationship with the person of the opposite sex.

Does that make sense? I'm a bit scattered today.

Katie Cross said...

Okay, so I asked my husband about this to see what he thought.

In a situation when he wanted to approach you to get to know you, he said that he would not approach a woman with a ring on her hand because it would be safe to assume she was married, and would make his intentions seem less than honorable. So he wouldn't even put himself in that position.

If it were a group setting, and he was getting to know you with a bunch of friends and it happened to come up that you were not married, then he'd obviously get to know you. However, his attention would definitely be swayed away from you out of respect to you, your husband, and marriage in general.

I kind of agree with Robin. Both my husband and I have friends of the other sex, but we wouldn't approach them with the intent to be really good friends on a 1:1 basis. If that makes sense.

I agree with my husband. I know you want them to get to know you, but they may be acting honorably. When i worked as a nurse in adult cardiac, I wore a fake ring because I got hit on all the time. But I took it off outside of that.

I think it's awesome you have a purity ring. Ultimately, it's up to you. But that's our .02 cents!

Katie Cross said...

*I wanted to add to the end of the third paragraph- his attention would be swayed away from you if you wore a ring, out of respect too . . .

Katie Kerchal said...

As someone who wore a purity ring for most of my life, (it wasn't as frequent in my 20s, but I still wore it every now and then) I think it is very respectable to continue to wear it until it is "replaced" with an engagement ring. However, I was not wearing a ring the night I met my boyfriend, and something tells me if I were he might not have been as forward about getting together in the future, because it looks like an engagement ring. I do think it's respectable when a guy won't talk to a woman whom he thinks is married, but I also think it's hard to ask someone "are you married or engaged?" the first time you meet them, especially when they are wearing a ring on that finger. It's completely up to you! I think it might be nice to switch it up every once in awhile just to see what kind of responses you get / you just might meet someone out of the blue - that's what happened to me! :)

Katie K