Wednesday, January 22, 2014

On a Scale of 1 to Eponine...

Last night, an awesome page on Facebook posted a hilarious meme.
(Warning. Book spoilers in here for: Hunger Games and Harry Potter)

Click the picture to see the fanpage :Everything is Coming Up Broadway

I got a good laugh out of it. It made me think of characters - literary, cinematic etc - in the varying levels of "the friendzone". 

It made everyone else think the same thing, and they started posting people who had it better (and maybe even worse) than Eponine. Snape's a good example of as bad or worse (he had to live with it longer, suffer longer, and see the results of his failure to make her his).

I reposted the image, as I thought it was so amusing. I captioned it with who I thought I might be.

I went with Gale and Stiles, somewhere between the two.  There's potential with both - after all, Gale almost got the girl. Stiles hasn't gotten Lydia yet, but that doesn't mean he won't. 

There's potential. I have potential.  It just doesn't usually work out.  Gale had potential, even a chance, but it wasn't in the cards.  That's me in my relationships, and I'm glad for it. I'm glad it didn't work out, as we weren't "meant to be" in that way.

But there's one or two where I'm hoping I'm Stiles on the verge of Gordo from Lizzy McGuire (he got the girl, you know).  I wouldn't mind being seen as more than just a friendly way.

Then again, if I got what I wanted, maybe I'd be singing the Civil Wars' "The One That Got Away". 

♫Wish you were the one that got away♪

Here's another funny friendzone post that I got a kick out of:

I laughed and laughed. Reposted it and said "I'm dating all of you, and also I'm cheating on all of you with everyone else."

I don't know why I get such a kick out of these.

Do you?
Where have you ended up on the friendzone scale in your lifetime?
Death unrequited a la Eponine? 
Or did you pull a Ron Weasley and show the world it IS worth the wait?

The Secret Life of the Social Introvert

The Internet can tell you what it's like to be an introvert - or maybe how to deal with them.  Sometimes I think the Internet was made for introverts.  It's a great place for them(us) to feel involved without ever having to leave the comfort of whatever quiet space they're in.

Introverts have a hard time with people. People are draining. It's easier to keep your little bubble off limits to most, allowing a select few in.

But what happens when you're a social introvert?  Introvertism doesn't guarantee anti-social behavior. Yes it's prominent in most, but not always.

I'm a social introvert.
People drain me. They suck the life right out of me.
But I love people.
I want to be invited to lunch by my coworkers.
I want to go to movies with my friends.
I want to have adventures alongside others.

Yes, this means after the fact I'll have to go sit in a quiet place alone to recharge, but I'll have the memories of time well spent.

Here's the problem.
This is somewhat of an oxymoron. Not completely, but enough to make life difficult.  The social side of me wants to spend time with others, be invited places, and go do things.  The introvert side keeps me from being the initiator.  I wait to be invited. I wait to be asked.
And it rarely comes.

To over compensate means to become a pest.  You know, that person that tries far too hard. The one who always texts, uses way too many emoticons and exclamation points, and is more annoying than anything.
I can easily become that person.

But if I never text, hold back, and stay cool...well, why on earth would you want to invite me anywhere? That girl isn't nice. She's not friendly. I don't think she even likes me, so I'm not going to invite her.

Got to find a happy medium.

I hate coffee.

There are so many reasons why I hate coffee.  A big part of it is the bitter taste. You can add all the sugar and cream you want, I still sense that bitterness.  The floofy coffees don't work for me either.  There's something about coffee that makes me feel off.  I feel the same way about alcoholic drinks.
Maybe I'm allergic.

What the heck does hating coffee have to do with being a social introvert?
I'll tell you.
I haven't a clue.
But I think they're connected.

Nah, I'm just kidding. Being an introvert means being introspective. It means I spend more time thinking things through inside my head than I do out with you in the real world.  Have you seen the Secret Life of Walter Mitty?  I know what that guy feels like.

There are things I don't understand.
I don't understand when people disappear. It's a bitter feeling, like the taste of coffee. As an introspective individual, I internalize all of it.  Abandonment is a big issue.
When someone disappears without a word, I haven't a clue how to deal.
How do you deal with it?

Part of me, the social (and writer half) wants to write a letter, long text, private message - you know, that thing that says "What's up? Are we not friends anymore?"
I want to know.
What did I do?
How needy does THAT sound?
So that option is out.

The introvert says I've done something wrong and need to deal with it.  What went wrong? Was it something I said? Did I bug them too much? Was I a bad listener? Did I cross a line of social faux pas?
It's now all on me. I have no way to turn it back to them. I don't know why the friendship ended. It just did.
This is a bad option, as it eats at MY soul while he/she is off living life happily without a care.

The social writer wants me to post this.
The introvert wants no one to see it.

I:What if THEY see it and know I'm talking about them?!
S:Why does it matter?
I:Well, because...they might...they might...
S:What? Still not be your friend? What changes?
I:I don't know..I just.
S:Oh hush. How about we post, but don't share?
S:Come on. Don't be a wimp.

This post brought to you by Kelsey's neuroses!

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

'Scuse Me While I Carry On

It is past holiday time now, but the stores wouldn't tell you that.  Commercialism is quick to remind us all - Valentine's Day approaches!

After the Christmas and New Year's engagements, this is every single girl's next best hope.  Is Valentine's Day her day?  Has her time come?

But what about those men and women who are single as this day of "felicity" approaches?

I know several individuals who expressed annoyance or disinterest in the vast amount of engagements that were announced over the holiday season:

  • "I'm so sick of being reminded that I'm single."
  • "Is EVERYONE going to get engaged over Christmas?"
  • "There's another one! I think I might start hiding them."
Facebook allows us all to share in the joy of people we probably haven't spoken to since we A)Graduated High School or B)Quit that place of work. 

If I'm honest, there is a bit of a twinge of "aw, man" every time someone younger than me finds their match.  Not anger at them for finding it, but a "shoot, when did I get old enough for THEM to be engaged?"

I'm sure we've all seen the viral photo of the young lady whose three friends show off their rings while she pretends to put a gun to her head. At some point in our lives, we all know how she feels (especially if she's expected to be a bridesmaid at all three. YIKES!)

Photo Credit: Reddit

But on the flip side, I don't feel defined by my singleness.  I don't feel that I'm "unworthy" or "unlovable" (man I'm into quotation marks today!).  I'm a relatively interesting person with looks enough to "catch me a man". 

That's not what I want in life.  I don't see my future happiness as only being possible if I find *the one*. I'm not in a perpetual state of limbo until he comes along and gets my life started.  I'm not going to say my life will star when...

When I get a boyfriend.
When I get engaged.
When I get married.
When I travel.
When I have kids.
When I get published (that's the writer talking. I have to tell her this a LOT).

My life doesn't need to start. It's already going. My brain functions. I breathe. My fingers fly across this keyboard typing whichever letter I wish.  There's nothing stopped about my life.

I often get asked if I have a boyfriend yet. I don't resent this question, but when I answer "no" the following
"Why not?" can be quite a pain.

I don't know why not.  Why, because no one has asked me out. Why, because I haven't found a guy I'm interested in (lies. I bet I'm always interested in someone at least a little).  Why, because picky and wouldn't say yes to just ANY guy who asked me (if they did ask me). 

Why is it any of your business? 
Why do you think a boyfriend will make me happy?

I just got a dog. His name is Tobias.  He's adorable, loving, wonderful....
Tobias - Photo Credit Kelsey Keating

And So. Damn. Needy.
As I lamented his constant need for attention, my mom said to me "Husbands are like that."  (So are wives, she also added). 

WHAT?! A boyfriend will drive me as crazy as this dog?! 
But the right one you'll love as much (nay, more) than said dog. I wouldn't trade Tobias in, though I contemplated it at first.  How is a significant other any different?

I. Am. Happy.
Really. I have the best life. I'm beyond blessed.
When *The Guy* comes along and steps in, that will be AWESOME!  (Seriously, guy, I look forward to life with you).
But it won't mean I'm suddenly *more real* than I was the day before.

I am a whole person. I like me (a work in progress for someone who suffers from low self-esteem the way I do).  I don't need someone else to make my life worth living.  That's my choice. 

So, for all the people that smile prettily to your face and then bash your engagement behind your opposition of them....I say this.

CONGRATULATIONS! I'm so happy you've reached that place.  I hope you know that this person adds to your life, but doesn't MAKE your life.  Go now and enjoy the awesome gift God gives us through marriage. Someday I hope to join you.

End Rant.

So now I will go back to editing Monstrosity. Some day I hope to blog here happy news of a published future. Until then, my friends, salud. 

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Say My Name, Wait...What?

Breaking Bad.
Hands down one of the greatest shows I've ever seen.  There was a marathon on recently and I watched them all over again, loving every second.

Walter White knows who he is.  One of my favorite scenes is when he's telling a guy what he's done, and he says this:

"Say. My. Name."

He knows who he is. So does the man he's dealing with.  There's something so powerful about Walter White, whether you love or hate him.  He has power (and is mad with it). 

Say my name.

My name is Kelsey.

There are these quizzes you can take online. You've all seen them. Some of them are very silly - you know, the type that lead you to answer to get exactly what you want. Answers that are so stereotypical to the character in the book/movie that it's undeniable.

There are some quizzes though, that surprise me.  The questions they ask aren't leading like the sillier quizzes. The questions are about personality preferences and they draw you along the road.  I've taken a few of these for curiosity, and I always feel like I know the answer.

I went through one of these quizzes today and, once again, was caught off guard.  It was a Harry Potter quiz and pretty interesting in its line of questioning. There were a few that would obviously lead you to Voldemort, but most of them could go anywhere.

I answered to my best ability, and in my head I KNEW I would get Ron.  Of course I would get Ron. It just seemed to be where I'd go.
Imagine my surprise as I finished off the quiz and this popped up.
Who Are You? Take the quiz :) Click the picture

I'm no hero. I'm not the lead character. I'm the best friend or the next door neighbor. 

I had the same reaction once upon a time when I did a particularly well done LOTR quiz. The questions left me completely clueless as to what was behind each question.
Still, I knew I had to be Sam. HAD TO. Maaaaybe Pippin.  I wouldn't mind being Merry, but I didn't see that as being a possibility.  Sam or Pippin. 

Frodo shows up as soon as I finish.
For Disney Princesses, I figured if I got one at all it'd be someone like Aurora or Cinderella - the ones that don't do a lot of fighting for themselves. More damsel in distress.
But nope, I'm Belle - the girl who fights back (even if it's not very successfully).

I answer these questions honestly, but am surprised by the result. What does that say about me? 

We have images of who we think we are. As the year 2014 begins, I'm looking at who I think I am vs who I prove myself to be.

I'm looking at myself. It's so easy for me to be negative or allow the enemy to feed my low self-esteem.  That's not who I am. It's not what I was created for. If I believe those lies, I become them.
It's my choice to break free.

In 2014 I choose to break free.
I choose to be the "hero".
I choose to accept that, based on my casual honest answers, I am Frodo and Harry - I am brave and loving, willing to do what needs to be done for the sake of those I love.

Bring it on, 2014. I think you and I will be good together.  In the end, I hope I'm as sure about who I am as Walter White...
Though maybe not with the same outcome ;)