Monday, June 22, 2015

Effing Sadness

I just saw Disney and Pixar's Inside Out.

Disney Pixar's Inside Out - Photo Credit: Disney and Kelsey Keating
Deep. Stuff.

Like, beyond children deep. This movie might be a cartoon and might have funny, happy, kid-centric things in it, but the writers at the core are deep thinkers. They're playing hard ball and the adults will all see it (older kids might too).

The core that I walk away with (that isn't a spoiler) is this: Sadness is important.

In today's world, you shouldn't be sad. Sadness isn't welcome. Don't be a downer. Don't share your feelings. Don't ask people to see the darker parts of you and still love you.

Sadness isn't welcome.

Be happy! Show off all of your best parts. Post all of the great things that happen to you in a day online to let everyone know how great your life is...even if that's only 1/10 of what your world is really like.

Don't bring anyone down. Depression is a state of mind. Get over it.

How much damage are we doing when we teach people this concept? When we raise children to believe this and they turn into adults who can't cope with the hard parts of life?

This is destruction.

Part of being an effing swan means accepting your whole self. Being a swan doesn't mean you're always happy, confident, and perfect.

Being a swan is being imperfection. Being a swan sometimes means being a mess, being sad...embracing your emotions. Real effing swans feel, and feel deeply.

The feels! Credit: Tumblr and Kelsey Keating

You should never have to apologize for how you feel. Sometimes you may have to apologize for how you ACT when you're feeling deeply, but that's on you for your behavior ;). If something makes you sad...if something makes you happy...if something makes you angry...if it's rational, than no one should make you feel wrong for feeling (obviously if you're being irrational, I can't help you...but we've all been there).

Today I just want you to know that. I want you to know that you aren't alone. If people are telling you to "just get over it" or "change your outlook" and it isn't working...I've been there. Sometimes you have to be there.

Sadness can heal. Sadness can bring people together. It keeps you from bottling dark emotions that will only eat away at your gloriously beautiful soul. Sadness is important. It's okay to feel it.

Embrace your inner swan (and outer swan). Embrace your rational emotions. Get the help you need or gather around with the people you need. Just know that the Original Swan is with you. We aren't alone. We aren't weird (okay, maybe we are but being normal is vastly overrated).

We are human. We are beautiful.

Welcome, swans. You are beautiful.

Sunday, June 7, 2015

One Pissed Off Swan

Today I am vexed. 

I never know what's going to ruffle my feathers, but when it happens I'm ready to be on a rampage. The problem? Well, I'm not much of a verbal rampager. I'm far more adept at putting my purge on the page. 

So, today I am vexed.

I am vexed by my own swanitude. It's hard to change your whole outlook and still have those around you treat you like the old you. 

What does it take to have others see the value you see in yourself? How long do you wait for them to see it? 

I've been reading the most AMAZING books lately. The Choosing by Rachelle Dekker, and Bon Bons to Yoga Pants by Katie Cross. Both books are about identity and understanding that maybe you're awesome all on your own.

If you haven't read The Choosing, I need you to stop what you're doing, follow the link and buy it for your own reading pleasure.

Credit: Rachelle Dekker

As for BBtYP, that one is a serial novel FREE on Wattpad and already has 30+ chapters.

Credit: Katie Cross

Lexie Greene is an overweight college student who wants to lose weight to get hot for her handsome Facebook friend Bradley. Along the way, though, Lexie is learning that maybe she shouldn't be so worried about being a size two, and instead concern herself with being healthy for herself and herself alone.

Lexie is in the early cygnet stage, but she's slowly realizing that she's a swan without a man. The reason I love BBtYP is because I know how it feels. I've never dealt with my weight the way Lexie has, but I have hella dealt with my worth. 
I (and many other young women) have felt the "I'm not hot enough for a guy like Bradley" or "no one could like me 'as I am'." 

Today, I am vexed on Lexie's behalf.

There's something so empowering about figuring out you are not an ugly duckling, but an effing swan. It's such a great experience that I hope all of you have had or will have soon. 

It's also easily lost.
Finding your swanitude isn't a one time thing. You don't suddenly have permanent confidence as you rock the world with your greatness.

No, you struggle with it. Sometimes daily, hourly, or by the minute.

Today I am vexed, because today I am struggling. I'm struggling with others not seeing my swanitude. They treat me like I'm not worth their time, and they make me feel like that lie is true.

Know what? I'm more than worth their time. I'm not worthless, nor am I forgettable (even if they forget me). 

I may have a hard time remembering this today, and maybe I'm tired of others acting like I'm not worth their time, but that just proves it's an uphill battle.

It's an uphill battle for Lexie, who, if I knew her in real life, I would like to tell is beautiful as she is. If the man she's been dreaming about can't see that, then she needs to tell him he isn't worth her time and move on. 

There are days where I need to tell myself that, as well. I am beautiful, even if others treat me like I'm still the wallflower who belongs in the role of 'quirky best friend' and not 'leading lady'. 

This is a reminder to all of the Lexie Greene's out're beautiful. You're an effing swan. If someone makes you FEEL like you are WORTH LESS...maybe it's time to cut ties.

You're worth so much more.
Surround yourself with people who see your beauty (in and out). End the vexation within my soul.

Oh, and go read The Choosing and Bon Bons to Yoga Pants