Friday, September 27, 2013

Why I Should Be Banned From Voicemails

I don't know many people who enjoy leaving voicemails.  In fact, most don't anymore - and when they do, plenty of people don't bother even listening to them.

Unfortunately, in my line of work that isn't an option. As an executive assistant, I receive voicemails and leave voicemails all day long.

But it gets more unfortunate.

I should NEVER be allowed to leave voicemails.  Try as I might...I manage to fumble my way through them every single time.

Examples of why Kelsey shouldn't be allowed to give voicemails (actual things I've said):
  • "I was just returning your call. Please call me back at (my number) and I'll see if I can help you out. I will be out this you want you can leave a voicemail so I can call you back. But otherwise I'll hear from you, wait. No.  Well, I mean if you call before after noon I will call you back next week!"
  • "Hi, this is Kelsey, Rocky's assistant just....................................................Oh, um, I'm sorry I spaced out there. I'm calling you back. You left me a message. About something."
  • "...and I'm so sorry. I'm awful at leaving voicemails."
Those things were actually said. Those things are only THREE of the things I've said.  Because of them, I've created this list.

Ways to Know You Can't Voicemail Like the Pros:
  • Your mind goes blank on the person's name the second the phone starts ringing.
  • You're trying to play back the message while the phone rings so you don't call them the wrong name.
  • You get the name and are psyched, only to get thrown to voicemail.
  • You're so distracted by having tried to find their name that you can't remember what you're supposed to say just as the phone *beep*
  • You start off in a stammer.
  • You say "uh" a lot.
  • Realizing you keep saying "uh" you switch to "um"
  • "Uh, um" doesn't sound much better, so you mentally chastise yourself to not say either.
  • You realize it wasn't was audible chastising while leaving  the message.
  • You now sound crazy.
  • You wonder if you are crazy.
  • In the moments you've been wondering, you've been completely silent on the voicemail recording.
  • You were mid sentence and - 
  • Now you're panicking.
  • Panicking leads to more "ums"
  • Finally, you laugh at yourself, apologize, leave your callback number and hang up
  • After all that, you look at the number you called and the message you references...
  • They don't match.

Just kidding. This makes me sound like I'm inept at my job.  Truth is I HAVE done all of those things, but hopefully not all at once (most extreme voicemail fail EVER).

What average, everyday thing are you awful at? Please make me feel better ;)