Sunday, August 4, 2013

Struggling Single Somethings - The Life of a Girl on Her Own

There are rules to being single. Weird rules. None of them coincide, and nobody knows how to treat it. Especially if you're a single woman.

  • You get the people that don't get it - they treat single like it's a disease and they can't understand why you have chosen it.  Because being single is all up to me and there is no other party to consider. "Why are you still single?"
  • You get the ones who think single-hood is the best place to be ever, and often they make comments about how they wish they too were still single. "Never get married." 
  • You also get those who are determined to say the ultra-cliche, super unhelpful things like "You'll find the right one when you least expect it." "When you stop looking, that's when HE will find you." Or my favorite "God is your husband. You're so lucky."

I never know how to act, you know, as a single gal.  I'm young - twenty-three - and I know I have plenty of time blah, blah, blah, but the world has so many standards.  It's hard to figure out how to be a lady in 2013 (or 2014, 2015....etc).

Society tells us to sleep around - try different things on. Experiment.  That isn't my style. It's NOT my style. I can't even express how that is not me. I won't/can't/refuse to do that. It's not in my beliefs, my moral system, or my idea of fun. (Also, side note - women that DO sleep around as society expects are often called sluts after following the rules. Women who don't are called prudes.)

I have always been a fan of ladies and gentlemen. I like class.  The classier the better. So, for me (in my fun little head) I function on the guy making the first move. I love Pride and Prejudice (what woman doesn't), but I am not Elizabeth.

I am Jane.

Jane who is too timid and self-conscious to show Bingley that she likes him. 

I can't tell men I'm interested in them.  I just can't. I try, and always fail. I'm so afraid of rejection. So many people tell me "you'll regret not telling him more."

No I won't.  
I would rather never tell than have Brant (that's him. You remember how I said I'd tell you about him?) look at me with that sympathetic smile and say "I'm so sorry, Kelsey. I just don't feel that way."
That would be so much worse.
There's no such thing as a "sure thing."

I am Jane.
I have an issue with my self-confidence. I'm working on it, I promise. I'm not very good at thinking highly of myself. I can't imagine why anyone would want me.
So why would I admit to wanting someone I don't think I deserve?

It's so hard to be a single woman. 
Today I write this because I can't say it.  I can't say "Brant, I like you."  
I can't say enough "It's okay. I really don't hate being single."

There's never a right answer.

Now it's your turn to tell me why I'm wrong.
To tell me how "It's better to have loved and lost."
Say all those cliches you already know nobody likes.

Have at it. Find something I haven't heard before and I will send you a monkey.
No joke.


Tyler Carrington said...

I'm a single man, and I've heard it all. My favorite is when married men tell me, "You're better off." When I hear that I want to say back, "then divorce your wife if that's what you really believe." I believe that the "right answer" is different for each person. I'm okay with being single, but I do want to get married, I want it to happen when it's the right time. I'm just waiting on God for that time and growing in Him more. That's the answer I've found.

Anonymous said...

A man in love with a women is no simple thing, though ladies stereotype us guys as simple. A man in love is not simple. No. He will be unpredictable. He will be persistent, stubborn, and given the circumstances, if it means carrying you from one side of the world to the other to win your heart, a man in love would. He will be a martyr, giving his all and asking for almost none. He will show you how to appreciate the beauty of the world in a thousand ways, and then he will tell you how much he appreciates your beauty in a million ways.

A man in love is no simple thing.

Caleb Scotson said...

I say do it your way. If someone else tells you how to do relationships a certain way then you are casing their relationship not yours. Take what advice you want and go do it your way.

I know the feeling as a guy to have the desire to be chivalrous and charming but feel completely unable to make it come out right. To care about someone and want them to find a relationship that would be wonderful and then look at myself and say, "well there is no way I can give them that so I will just walk away." I have the unending fight in my head to not give up or to realize they could find someone better than me.

As someone that is fighting to find my own self-worth and self-confidence I pray that your progress is swift. I know that it may be hard to fully except but you are a wonderful person and a friend of mine, and yes my brain still wants to tell me "don't say that she does not care what you think it will only make you look stupid." There it is anyway.

Anonymous said...

I've been both; married and single. There are benefits to both, when the marriage is good, it's really good. But when it goes sour, it is soul sucking. I'd rather keep my soul intact, thank you very much. :) It has taken years to repair the damage of that really bad marriage. Don't go there. Wait until it is him crushing on you. Wait for the guy who chases you. Single is not a disease, it is a nice place to become confident in who you are without the constraints of conforming to another person. When you get to the place of being comfortable in your own skin, loving who Kelsey is without any other human to fill in the gaps, then your heart can be open. Because, it is a choice. Single is not a state inflicted on you because no one will have you. Single is a choice to wait for God's perfect timing and his perfect match. It takes a very strong person to wait.

Katie Cross said...

I'm just going to say that I got married when I was working on 25, and I remember all of this.

And it's hard. It sucks. It really does.

For the record, I wouldn't ever tell guys if I liked them either. Way too vulnerable.