The Obviously Answered Questions from Beauty and the Beast

Well, readers, Buzzfeed is at it again.  That's right, not a lick of research or googling done as they attack Disney.

But this time they went too far.

This time they tried to take on one of my all time favorite movies. Ever.

In the Buzzfeed blog "12 Questions Disney Forgot to Answer about Beauty and the Beast", they've once again forgotten what fantasy and magic are.  So let's set things straight. 
Most of the sub-questions I'm answering can be found in the original blog. 

First let me say this: Donna Dickens, the Buzzfeed Blogger, has quite the mouth on her! Normally that doesn't bother me...but in connection with Disney.
Oh girl. It's on.

1. Who the actual hell is this?

Well, Donna, you've forgotten rule #1 - magic. Actually you've forgotten a whole heckuva lot so let's get into this, shall we?

• Prince Adam's parents are dead. It's not that hard to fathom, as most Disney parents have passed into the great beyond.
• A curse of such magnitude affects more than just the person cursed.  In most Beauty and the Beast stories, the curse either lasts a long time (long enough for the towns nearby to forget) or the curse affects the memory of the towns (erasing all existence of the royals from history).  Disney likely chose the second. This also works because the Beast has a whole Kingdom that is cursed, if you remember the end of the movie (and apparently you don't).

2. Who punishes an 11-year-old for not letting a stranger in the house?

First, she isn't the "good fairy". You're thinking of Pinocchio or something. She's an Enchantress (it isn't stated if she's good or bad, just beautiful).
Look, I'm not against the Enchantress being the bad guy (what fun!), but I have a feeling I'm going to have to sass this Buzzfeed post a few times for forgetting rule #1.
How many times do I have to say it?! MAGIC. All right let's go with a few different theories. Including what Disney itself answered.

• Theory 1: Prince Adam wasn't 11. He was suspended in time. The flower kept them from aging. He was actually 20 and 10 years passed, dragging out the 1 normal Earth year within the magical realm (because nobody is going to get over being a beast in just one year).
• Theory 2:This is way back in the past, when 12-13 would have been considered "a man".  Assuming his parents are dead, Prince Adam is acting under his advisers (Cogsworth and Lumiere) care until old enough to rule on his own.
  At 11 years old, he shows no remorse, care, or kindness. The Good Fairy sees that "there was no love in his heart" and that's why she cursed him. (However, Buzzfeed, if you're interested in playing with this idea, you can always read Monstrosity).
• Theory 3:This one is my favorite: the prologue says "...an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his 21st year..." 21st year doesn't mean 21st birthday. It could mean that the rose was able to bloom 21 years past being cursed. (this could support the Disney Canon seen below...at 15 year old boy, and then 21 years of the rose, with only ten passing and him being 25 with Belle)
• But wait! If you say this, and Lumiere says it's only been 10 years, why does the rose stop blooming by the end of the movie?
• I'm glad you asked. In this theory, we follow that it will bloom until his 21st year (as beast) and "If he could learn to love and be loved in return by the time the last petal fell, the spell would be broken."
• So the PETALS may have started falling because he fell in love with Belle, therefore accelerating the process. Otherwise, why would petals only start falling when Belle arrived?

Really though, you can just watch the Disney film clip from the second Beauty and the Beast. It shows him pretty young, though I wouldn't say 11.

3. Why did Belle even open the door here?

I feel like this one is actually rather obvious.  Think of the time period and think of Belle's character. She may not be a huge fan, she may think Gaston is a creep, but she's got manners. The girl answers the door because that's what she's been taught to do.

Also, if you think about it, not answering the door means he just won't go away until she makes it clear, "No thanks". 

And in a cottage that small? It's not like Gaston wouldn't be able to hear her inside, and I wouldn't put it past him to bust in unwarranted. 

4. Who are the faceless bastards in the background?

tumblr.com

What's with all of the swearing? We're talking about Disney, for crying out loud.  Also what basic rules of being home alone...you mean the one that says "don't answer the door for strangers?"

And Buzzfeed answers her own question here. "Did all the inanimate objects become partially self aware"

Um. Yes. It's a magic castle. Of course they did. Because there were plates, and forks, and knives, napkins etc in the castle before the curse. You don't think they just vanished because a few people turned into clocks and candlesticks, do you?  Also, a feather duster with no arms is not going to be able to help setting the table - neither will a teapot. The castle helps out with the enchanted objects.

5. What is going on with this time-traveling portrait?

Rule #1, Buzzfeed.

The portrait answers to two theories I've already stated above. Time was frozen and/or (it could be both) it wasn't his 21st birthday so much as 21 years. 

OR
The artist was pushing to find what the prince would look like when he got older. They did it all the time. Ever seen portraits where a little girl looks like an adult? It's just the style. 

6. What would have happened if Belle touched the rose?

Why is this one of your "Disney forgot to answer" questions? No. Seriously. What relevance does it actually have to the movie? How is this somehow a "plot hole"?

It isn't. However, the enchanted rose is suspended in mid-air and the entire castle depends on its life and staying there for as long as possible.

If Belle touches it, how much do you want to bet she knocks it down or causes it to wilt? Hello...that's the whole mythology right there. The Beast has until the flower drops its last petal - would you want someone playing "he loves me, he loves me not" with your curse's life blood? I didn't think so.

7. How did Belle get his heavy unconscious ass onto her horse?

Well done, Buzzfeed. You finally asked a good question. I've always wondered this myself.
So that's Buzzfeed: 1 Kelsey:6

I wonder if the horse somehow helped?

8. How does Chip even exist?

Another question answered by Rule #1.

• Time is frozen, deary. Chip is frozen in a childlike mental state. He's six, forever (or at least 10-21 years, depending). 
• The other cups don't have eyes, that leads us back to the inanimate objects having a bit of self-awareness. And Mrs. Potts isn't a cruel lady. She sees these inanimate objects as family and doesn't want them to feel left out. Now that she's a teapot and her son is a cup, well by-golly those are his new brothers and sisters. It would make it easier on the little kid in the long run, anyway.

9. Is Belle stupid?

This is by far the most aggravating question, as the title of the blog is questions Disney FORGOT TO ANSWER.

When was this question asked? Never. Who says Belle didn't realize he was a prince/count/somebody important. What does it matter when he's a beast? In the beginning, Belle is concerned with A) Leaving and B) not dying. She doesn't have time to care.

Secondly, Belle isn't the type of girl to only be intrigued by someone because they're "important".  Gaston is the town's golden boy and she couldn't care less.  You think being a prince is all it takes for Belle to bat her eyes and flirt?

I think not. Belle requires what is inside.

Please stop calling her names.

10. Whose clothes are they wearing?

While I understand your confusion, you're forgetting so many things, including Rule #1 (like the castle couldn't create clothes if it wanted to). 

• Most royals have their own tailor. No doubt this person turned into some form of needle or old fashioned sewing machine. It could make clothes for the Beast over the last 10 years.
• The Beast had a mother once, and she wore clothes (SHOCKER!).  She had closets full of them, no doubt. Don't you remember the armoire with all the clothes inside? Hello...Belle's dresses...

11. Why didn’t Belle just say she’d be back?

Don't get me started on reasons to kick your ass for bringing up Stockholm syndrome (see!? Now you've got ME swearing!).

IN fact, if you want to be all high and mighty and bash Disney (because that's what "intellectual adults" do), why don't you read this. THIS RIGHT HERE. (thank you Katie Cross for this)

Back to the question at hand - Did Belle even know she'd be back? Did Belle have any clue that the beast would go all morose or that he was working with a time limit?

No. She didn't know how long it would take to care for her father. She didn't know the Beast needed her love ASAP. He couldn't tell her (rules to a curse. Doesn't work if you just tell someone and they say "oh let me magically fix that). 

Seriously, this Buzzfeed author sounds angry and bitter...did she wait for her prince charming and never get one? Or did she just find out there's no such thing as "happily ever after"?

12. How did these people not know there was a cursed monster within walking distance?

Rule. #. 1. 

MAGIC

• The town as had their memories modified.
• The town is too far away to actually understand what's going on in neighboring town.
• The town thought the royals just up and vanished...not realizing there was a beast there the whole time.

Any of those answer your question.

In the end, it's my blog so I'm biased but....I win! 

Please try google or SOMETHING next time, Buzzfeed. You're killing me here.