Sleep Deprivation

There is such a thing as taking on too much.  I did it in my job once, and it was a miracle everything didn't come crashing down on me.

Oops!
I did it again. (ha ha!)

This week I've been working full time, house sitting, kid sitting (for a DIFFERENT house), pet sitting, working odd hours, and entering contests among my normal appointments and meetings.

For those who are curious in these things, that means:

• Seven pets (Two ferrets, two chinchillas, one dog, one cat, and one fish).
• Four kids (17, 15, 12, and 9 years of age).
• Two houses (on opposite sides of town).
• Two jobs (Mine and playing "mom").
• Several contests.

Any one of the "projects" I've taken on could be (and are) time consuming.  Here's what happens when you take them all on at once (parents have been laughing at me all week):

• You start strong, taking the kids out for a day of fun.
• You (wisely) bring your animal loving mother along with you to care for the Pet-House...she helps you do all the work (i.e. does most of it while you weep thankfully).
• Because of an unforeseen circumstance, you end up working from 1am-3am, up again at 6am to get ready for work.
• Zoning out becomes something of a professional talent. Your coworkers notice.
• Juggling a full time job and four kids, something you didn't have last week, is not an easy adjustment.
• The kids complain of boredom.
• You learn you aren't the type to concern yourself with entertaining them if they're bored.
• They huff off grumpily.
• You go read a book.
• You realize you need to promote YOUR book and get an agent (or go Indie)
• You enter contests. Plural, because they all happen at once.
• The houses your sitting need to be cleaned far more often than you have to do at home.
• You're once again extremely thankful for your mother.
• You tell her that regularly during the week of babysitting.
• People stare because you won't stop hugging your mother in public, not wanting to let go.
• You understand that while you want to be a mother someday, today is not that day.
• Suddenly you're extremely thankful that you're single.
• You realize if Brant asks you out, you'll be okay NOT being single (for the record).
• You start daydreaming about Brant.
• When you come back to earth, you're getting weird looks from the 9yo who has asked you the same question twice and you've yet to respond.
• You tell him you prefer Cupid & Psyche to Perseus.
• You realize this is the coolest 9yo ever.
• Now you can't stop thinking about Greek myths.
• Sleep has become a thing of the past.
• You begin to wonder how people had kids when there was nothing to do - like in Pride & Prejudice.
• You realize you don't know how to sew or mend like those girls did.
• You suddenly have an urge to walk to Merryton.
• Alas, realizing there is no Merryton, you decide to write a blog instead.
• You run out of things to put in the bullet points as you've just alerted yourself to why you're writing the blog.
• The kids want dinner.

Sometimes you just need a good laugh

Random, very little sense above here. My brain is firing in all different directions, and you just got your share of the madness that is my week.

What's the craziest week you've ever had? Do share. I could use the group therapy :)

***Disclaimer 

These kids are awesome, for the record. Super good. Just not mine, and I am not theirs. Makes for some clashing along the way.  However, they're delights, but we're all looking forward to the return of their parents.

Playing Paranoia

It's one of those days.  Ever have them?

You know the kind - the ones where things go wrong.  The ones where only one thing has to tip your scale towards negativity, and then you are paranoid about everything.

Today is one of those  days.

I received the unfortunate and horrible news of an acquaintances passing today. He was in an accident. No survivors.
He's only been married two months. His beautiful, charming wife is now a widow before reaching twenty-five years of age.
He had the uncanny ability to find out what mattered to someone and ask them about that when he spoke to them.

He always asked me about my writing.

Today I grieve for his wife. I know he's dancing (or maybe more appropriately, flying) with Jesus, but it's those left behind who need our prayers and our thoughts.

His death tipped me into gloom. My own brain and enemy have found new ways to take that and make me think the world is out to get me.

Which becomes part two, or rather "Today I'm paranoid and the things that I can't allow myself to believe":

• When someone doesn't text you back - okay, nobody likes being ignored. But on a day like today, not getting a text back after taking the chance to be heartfelt and/or honest (I went with honest. Maybe that was the mistake) starts to make the little voices in your head chant unkind things.
• Things like "You're stupid. They don't like you. Nobody likes you." - A TOTAL moment for the enemy to swoop in and drag you down.
• You combat that with caffeine. 
• That caffeine wires you and now you're trying to figure out if you're bouncing off the wall, or about to have a sugar coma.
• When you talk to someone and they casually nod and offer no return and suddenly you're thinking "oh shoot! What'd I say wrong?"
• When you blog about your insecurities and realize "I can't share this anywhere! I can't let people know I'm crazy!"
• When you post that blog anyway, because you're a blogger and that is what bloggers do.
• When you are traveling to see a friend in a month and start to get panicky about planes, work, and whether or not that friend will hate you after you're their house guest.
• When you keep checking your phone because the people (plural) that you texted are STILL not texting you back.
• The ones you emailed aren't emailing you back either (different people, for the record. I am not THAT crazy...yet).
• When you write out letters to express how you feel, then shred them or hide them in a drawer to never see the light of day.
• When you're too scared to share who you are.

Ah, poignancy. I've reached you.

Here's the truth:

I'm terrified to share myself with people.

That's funny when I run a personal blog.

But I can't see you. I can't see your rejection. I don't have to hear it. I can "delete" the comment (can't unsee it though).

IN person, I'm a guarded mess.  I'm always afraid they'll leave me.

So when they don't text back, I figure I'm annoying. When they don't email, I'm frustrating.

When they nod but don't verbally respond...I'm wasting their time.

I call this ridiculous (hopefully) paranoia Life Draining Paranoia, or LDP.

LDP can hit anyone at anytime (mainly women).  LDP can create fear, depression, and so many other things.

LDP isn't real.

Paranoia is in your mind. It's how you think. It's allowing the negativity of your own self consume you. Allowing the enemy to win.

Go to war. Take down LDP.  It doesn't work always.  It doesn't make things perfect or suddenly sunshine and unicorns and rainbows...

But if you give up the fight, why will others fight for you? 

This is probably the least coherent I've ever blogged, and that's saying something.  I feel better, though, so I'm pleased with the result.

Ever suffer from LDP? Do you play with paranoia? 

Do you have your own sorts of crazy you're brave enough to share here?

I did, so you know I have no room to judge.

A Very Public Potter Rant

Oh Facebook, the things you ruin for the rest of us.

MuggleNet is apparently supporting a "Team Gambon" or "Team Harris" fiasco.

I take issue with this.

Aside from trying to compare apples and oranges, which everyone will ALWAYS have an opinion about, but no one can come to a clear scientific conclusion, asking people to decide between the two Dumbledores is disrespectful.

Here's why.
 

Richard Harris, the original Dumbledore, set a bar so high I don't believe anyone could have met it. Unfortunately, the wonderful and amazing actor died at the 72. We mourned Harris's passing, and all Potter Fans wondered who would (could) step in.

The answer is:
No one.

However, Michael Gambon, a respected and talented actor in his own right, stepped up to the plate.  Did he play Dumbldore different? Unequivocally yes.  Did that mean he was wrong?
Many Potter Fans debate this, but whether it be because he stepped in during the strangest Potter installment (movie 3 POA) or because he wanted to give Dumbledore a new edge, Gambon was here to stay.

You can argue which one was better. Who wore the better hat. Whether you liked Sweet Dumbledore or Strong Dumbledore.

But to pick sides?

That's wrong. It's unfair. It's not cool.

Richard Harris DIED, okay?  He passed.  We lost him.  He didn't quit, get fired, or step down. He died. We didn't have a choice but to get a new Dumbledore. There wasn't an option of keeping him.

Michael Gambon took on a big deal role, not only because of the legacy left by Harris, but because of the grandness that IS Dumbledore.

I mean, seriously. He's the Obi Wan Kenobe/Yoda, the Aslan, the Gandalf of the Harry Potter Series.
It's a big deal.

I don't think it's fair to ask us to choose, because in the end I'm going to choose Dumbledore. The real one. The book one. The sweet man who no one directed (though J.K. Rowling did write).

As a writer I know that characters take on their own selves. Dumbledore is real to so many. Why should we try to attribute him to any actor?  Do we try to say Daniel Day Lewis was the best Lincoln...better than THE Lincoln?

So instead of asking fans to choose, why don't we all just do what's right?

Let's honor Richard Harris's memory.
Let's respect both him and Gambon for taking on this iconic role.
Let's stay true to our Potter selves and not resort to putting who we pick on t-shirts (which feels disrespectful to both, but mainly to Harris's memory).

Maybe I'm crazy.
After all, this is just my opinion.
But then, I've always liked Apples better than Oranges.

Insignificantly Significant

There's something about living in my state.  If you never been there, I can explain but I'm not sure you'll care.

I've been to several other states around our country, and other countries on top of that.
Yet nowhere...

Nowhere...

Has the skies we do.

The world is large and vast and covered with land.  It seems everywhere else I've been that's been the biggest factor - the land. Everywhere you look you see tall, green trees (Tennessee); big brown hills and desert 'beauty' (Arizona); tropical plants and vast bodies of water (Hawaii).

In Our state, we have beautiful land, but it isn't the first thing you see.  When you walk outside the greatest, grandest, and sometimes most stunning feature is our sky.

It's so large you feel like you'll never be able to see it all, yet at the same time - when the clouds are just right - you feel like you can reach up and touch it...maybe brush a few away and see the vast universe beyond.

It's storming today.  The grey, billowing clouds are my favorite.  There's something MASSIVE and POWERFUL about them. They're a reminder that this world, this universe, is even bigger. A reminder that the world doesn't revolve around me (though I wish it did).

It can make a girl feel insignificant.

But the best part about them, for me personally, is how they make me feel insignificantly significant.

I am staring at the sky that's been there since God put it there in the beginning.  I am staring at the amazing hugeness that is our life.
There are many others all around the world seeing pieces and patches of it as well (and in some places, just as much as I see).
We're all seeing it together.  We all pass through time in a blink, some of us without making a dent large enough in history to be remembered.
We're insignificant.

And yet...

And yet I know I can walk into my parents home, and to them I am significant.
I know I can run and embrace my best friend because to her I am significant.
I know that to God above I matter. To Him I am (undeservedly) significant.

In a world where I am nobody...I only need to be somebody to a few people. It only takes a few to make me feel like I am loved, special....kind, important, smart.

We can sometimes strive for importance and significance. We can fight, claw, cheat, steal, whatever we have to do to get ahead.
But you know what?
I don't want that.
I don't want to be North West - infamous baby at only a few days old.  I don't want the pressure of the world always staring down on me as I strive to be just as "significant" as my parents.

I want to be me. I want to be loved by those who I have been blessed to have in my life.

I want to be insignificantly significant.

The Wrath Of Ice Cream Withdrawals or Why My Dad is Awesome

Ben & Jerry's Brownie Chew Gooder Ice Cream.  The greatest ice cream known to this woman. Everything I've ever loved about ice cream bundled together in a neat little pint.

It's a Target exclusive. Didn't you know?

My first and only affair with this delectable treat was while in Scottsdale AZ for a Mumford & Sons concert. While the concert experience trumped the ice cream...it was in second (a far second, but still).

Upon returning to the cozy haven that is my hometown, after relishing in the cool breeze my state has in droves (while AZ has NONE), I knew I had to find that ice cream again.

Photo from the Concert of the beautiful Marcus Mumford

You see, I know I'm not going to find Marcus Mumford or the boys in Chardeau, but the ice cream...I thought that would be possible.
So I went to Target.
It wasn't at Target.
I checked Albertson's.
Walmart was also searched.

Wondering why it was so hard to locate, I went online. Google can tell you almost anything and is sometimes very accurate.  The interweb was where I learned of Target's exclusive hold on my dream treat. MINE must just have sold out.

Like any good web surfer, I went to the source.  Target.com listed the ice cream, OBVIOUSLY, not sold online. However, there was a "find in store" button.

I clicked it.
Entered my zipcode.
Was given a list of Targets in my state.

The two (TWO) in my city had the following words listed next to their location:

Not Sold At This Location

I blacked out. Fainted, maybe. My world spun and I crashed to the ground, only to be found later in a pool of my own blood...

Okay, no. I didn't do any of the above. But man, did I pout. Pout. Pout. Pout.

So what does the fact that MY town doesn't SELL my awesome ice cream have to do with my dad being awesome?

Well let's head there.
My dad is awesome.  He just is.
He's one of those guys that's pretty willing to do anything for anyone who needs it, regardless of how inconvenient it is.  He worked ridiculously hard while my siblings and I were young so that he'd be able to give us things he didn't have.  He doesn't make promises he can't keep.  He LOVES going to movies and takes me to them whenever I have one I want to see (and pays for everything, despite me being an adult able to pay for myself).  He's good and he's kind.
He's logic. Like, Spock logic.  When I need to work through a situation, I go to him because I know he'll help me rationalize the best situation.
He is WICKED good with numbers. Scary good. "I'm kind of creeped out by how fast you just did that immense multiplication" type good.  (Ex. The other night he guessed a whole bunch of stats for a show before they appeared on the screen.  He does the math in his head and it 99% right 98% of the time.)

Enough of my gushing.
My awesome dad, who is awesome in his own right, is going on business trips next week. He's driving up to a few other cities in our state.
He's planning on taking a cooler of sorts, going to their targets (which list as In Stock) and buying me my Brownie Chew Gooder Ice Cream.

Picture from Christmas 2011

My dad is the best.

Father's day is almost here.  How awesome is your dad (or father-figure in your life)?  What's the BEST or coolest thing about your dad?
Let's celebrate dads :)

You Like Me....You Really Like Me...

I have been nominated. Always a good feeling, though it is generally a friend of yours who loves you and therefore thinks you and your blog rock.

I owe the pleasure of receiving this award to Katie Cross - a fantastic writer/book reviewer if there ever was one.  Want an idea of what to read next? Head over to Katie's place and see what she recommends! She also does this nifty "Question of the Day" thing that will entertain, amuse, or provoke thought.

So, because Katie said so, here I go!

Rules for The Sunshine and Versatile Blogger Award are as follows: 

1. Post the logo above

2. Accept the nomination and link back to the blog that nominated you

3. Answer the questions

4. List seven random facts about yourself

4. Nominate blogs and inform them of the nomination

Answers to the questions I KNOW you've been dying to discover:

Favorite color: Always green, though I do love a nice blue.

Favorite animal: I love animals. Ocelots have always had a special place in my heart for some reason, but aside from them...wolves. Or maybe panthers.

Photo Credit : thelife-animal.blogspot.com

Favorite number: 3 (and any repetition of three. Like 33)

Favorite non-alcoholic drink: Dr. Pepper, Raspberry Lemonade, or Throwback Mountain Dew

Favorite alcoholic drink: No alcohol for me, thanks. Not a fan of the taste.

Facebook or Twitter: Neither and both. Twitter used to be my favorite, but I haven't the time for it as much these days.

My passions: writing, reading, people, artistic ventures, baking, cooking, carbohydrates.

Giving or receiving gifts: Both. I LOVE being given gifts. Feel free to give them to me whenever. I also love to give them - finding just the right thing for the individual on the receiving end.

Favorite city: Most people don't count Chardeau as a city (Though I like it).  Other than that...I've been to Jerusalem. That was a heckuvuh city.

Sunset over Jerusalem

Favorite TV shows: I love TV.  It's a list. Arrested Development, Teen Wolf, The Killing, Merlin, Sherlock, Downton Abbey...all for their own reasons. I'm missing some. Oh, New Girl. A.T.L.A. and L.O.K (yup. Cartoons. Well written cartoons)

Seven random facts (I think I've done this before...)

1. I can't handle the feeling of velvet (everyone should know this from Christmas)

2. I have an over sensitive Ulnar Nerve (for that potentially hilarious story, click here)

3. I want to go to Ireland. Bad. I want to be where my people are from. I intend to make this a reality within the next two years.

4. I work in a fish bowl. A big glass container. Or as one coworker affectionately refers to it...the Penalty Box.

My fish bowl. The glass wall doesn't even go all the way up...

5. My office has an entire wall of posters from TV shows, movies, musicians, and actors (mainly classics like Jimmy Stewart and Cary Grant).  I intend to get more. The most recent Star Trek is the newest to my collection (Placed just below my Star Trek TOS poster)

Portion of my wall. It's hard to get the whole thing in one shot.

6. I went to Israel this year - my first time over seas and out of the country. Had a hilarious time with Brosef, Owen, Joanne, and many others (See those stories here) 

7. I spend an inordinate amount of time day dreaming. Sometimes I'm playing with the muse and we're writing books, but more often than not I'm imagining up things in my own immediate future (Like time with Brant-CCW. Haven't told you about  Brant? I'm sure I will. Drool.)

BONUS FACT: My bestest buddy Goose and I have British Dinners. We go to our favorite restaurant and speak in accents the whole time.  We also have a fondness for dolphins, geese (surprise, surprise) and squirrels. More on Goose to come.

You have been selected as Tribute:

Stephanie Karfelt of the Glitter Globe fame: theglitterglobe.com

LaDonna Cole the Beta Warrior : http://www.immortalportals.wordpress.com

JB Lynn - the woman who can make me laugh better than any other published author : http://jblynn.wordpress.com/

Karen Amanda Hooper, the fantastic fantasy fiction femme fatale (say that five times fast. Oh wait, I did and it wasn't that hard.) :http://karenamandahooper.blogspot.com/

And The Winner Is...

Katie Cross!!!

Katie takes the first prize win for the 5 blog blitz!  Our lovely first prize consists of all these goodies PLUS a neon monkey:

True to my word, there will be a second runner up who gets a CR Smith CD, a little something from Israel, and a monkey as well.  Who is THIS lucky person? I will tell you right now :)

Donna Kilgore!

Donna and Katie, please contact me with your info so I can send you your treats! Also, Katie you need to pick which $10 gift card you would like.

Now I don't want to leave you all with the sadness of defeat, so I am going to let you in on another give away going on from now until Sunday.

Follow this link to the blog where you can enter to win an ebook bundle from author Karen Amanda Hooper!

For those who still want a bit more from me...here's a book review for an upcoming novel that I know you'll love.

Warrior of the Ages book review:

What is there to say about S.R. Karfelt's Warrior of the Ages? Sheer genius, that's what.
When I first nabbed a copy of this book and read the back cover blurb I thought "Immortal Warrior protecting his world and people from a far too instinctual blonde bombshell? Count me in."

Falling deeply in love with the characters was something I didn't know to expect. I ping-ponged between Kahtar - our immortal hero - and Beth - the woman who would ruin everything he's worked for. Several times I stopped to ask myself "Whose side am I on, anyway?" only to dive back in for more.

Kahtar is the epitome of duty, honor, and steely intimidation while Beth encompasses my vision of an intellectual woman with a loving heart.
Opposing clans, murdering rogue warriors, and bloodline prejudice threaten to tear apart everything they've fought for and drive a wedge in between the two already clashing individuals.
Duty has been the only thing Kahtar has ever fought for. Beth White offers something more, something he'd never thought possible. Choosing her truth might unravel everything Kahtar holds dear.

But the question remains:
How far would you go to protect what's yours?

Not Actual Cover*

Warrior of the Ages comes out August 15th. You can guarantee I'll be talking about it - as will many others. Stay tuned!

If you liked this giveaway/blog blitz, let me know. I'm always willing to do another! I'm thinking maybe in August. Hint. Hint.

*Official cover not released yet.