Wednesday, January 8, 2014

'Scuse Me While I Carry On

It is past holiday time now, but the stores wouldn't tell you that.  Commercialism is quick to remind us all - Valentine's Day approaches!

After the Christmas and New Year's engagements, this is every single girl's next best hope.  Is Valentine's Day her day?  Has her time come?

But what about those men and women who are single as this day of "felicity" approaches?

I know several individuals who expressed annoyance or disinterest in the vast amount of engagements that were announced over the holiday season:

  • "I'm so sick of being reminded that I'm single."
  • "Is EVERYONE going to get engaged over Christmas?"
  • "There's another one! I think I might start hiding them."
Facebook allows us all to share in the joy of people we probably haven't spoken to since we A)Graduated High School or B)Quit that place of work. 

If I'm honest, there is a bit of a twinge of "aw, man" every time someone younger than me finds their match.  Not anger at them for finding it, but a "shoot, when did I get old enough for THEM to be engaged?"

I'm sure we've all seen the viral photo of the young lady whose three friends show off their rings while she pretends to put a gun to her head. At some point in our lives, we all know how she feels (especially if she's expected to be a bridesmaid at all three. YIKES!)

Photo Credit: Reddit

But on the flip side, I don't feel defined by my singleness.  I don't feel that I'm "unworthy" or "unlovable" (man I'm into quotation marks today!).  I'm a relatively interesting person with looks enough to "catch me a man". 

That's not what I want in life.  I don't see my future happiness as only being possible if I find *the one*. I'm not in a perpetual state of limbo until he comes along and gets my life started.  I'm not going to say my life will star when...

When I get a boyfriend.
When I get engaged.
When I get married.
When I travel.
When I have kids.
When I get published (that's the writer talking. I have to tell her this a LOT).

My life doesn't need to start. It's already going. My brain functions. I breathe. My fingers fly across this keyboard typing whichever letter I wish.  There's nothing stopped about my life.

I often get asked if I have a boyfriend yet. I don't resent this question, but when I answer "no" the following
"Why not?" can be quite a pain.

I don't know why not.  Why, because no one has asked me out. Why, because I haven't found a guy I'm interested in (lies. I bet I'm always interested in someone at least a little).  Why, because picky and wouldn't say yes to just ANY guy who asked me (if they did ask me). 

Why is it any of your business? 
Why do you think a boyfriend will make me happy?

I just got a dog. His name is Tobias.  He's adorable, loving, wonderful....
Tobias - Photo Credit Kelsey Keating

And So. Damn. Needy.
As I lamented his constant need for attention, my mom said to me "Husbands are like that."  (So are wives, she also added). 

WHAT?! A boyfriend will drive me as crazy as this dog?! 
But the right one you'll love as much (nay, more) than said dog. I wouldn't trade Tobias in, though I contemplated it at first.  How is a significant other any different?

I. Am. Happy.
Really. I have the best life. I'm beyond blessed.
When *The Guy* comes along and steps in, that will be AWESOME!  (Seriously, guy, I look forward to life with you).
But it won't mean I'm suddenly *more real* than I was the day before.

I am a whole person. I like me (a work in progress for someone who suffers from low self-esteem the way I do).  I don't need someone else to make my life worth living.  That's my choice. 

So, for all the people that smile prettily to your face and then bash your engagement behind your opposition of them....I say this.

CONGRATULATIONS! I'm so happy you've reached that place.  I hope you know that this person adds to your life, but doesn't MAKE your life.  Go now and enjoy the awesome gift God gives us through marriage. Someday I hope to join you.

End Rant.

So now I will go back to editing Monstrosity. Some day I hope to blog here happy news of a published future. Until then, my friends, salud. 


LaDonna Cole said...

"Why you no hab, bofran?"

Kelsey-plain and simple said...

Why you single?
You broken? I fixies it.

Katie Cross said...

Why do people get obsessed with other people's lives? It sounds exhausting, seriously.

Especially matchmaking. I don't match make, or worry about anyone else's married status. What if the guy ended up being like Ted Bundy and it was my fault?

I digress. Know I support you, bofran or no. Oh, and pressure doesn't stop once you're married. I'm going on three years and we haven't had kids. So now people are lifting their eyebrows about THAT.