Sleep Deprivation

There is such a thing as taking on too much.  I did it in my job once, and it was a miracle everything didn't come crashing down on me.

Oops!
I did it again. (ha ha!)

This week I've been working full time, house sitting, kid sitting (for a DIFFERENT house), pet sitting, working odd hours, and entering contests among my normal appointments and meetings.

For those who are curious in these things, that means:

• Seven pets (Two ferrets, two chinchillas, one dog, one cat, and one fish).
• Four kids (17, 15, 12, and 9 years of age).
• Two houses (on opposite sides of town).
• Two jobs (Mine and playing "mom").
• Several contests.

Any one of the "projects" I've taken on could be (and are) time consuming.  Here's what happens when you take them all on at once (parents have been laughing at me all week):

• You start strong, taking the kids out for a day of fun.
• You (wisely) bring your animal loving mother along with you to care for the Pet-House...she helps you do all the work (i.e. does most of it while you weep thankfully).
• Because of an unforeseen circumstance, you end up working from 1am-3am, up again at 6am to get ready for work.
• Zoning out becomes something of a professional talent. Your coworkers notice.
• Juggling a full time job and four kids, something you didn't have last week, is not an easy adjustment.
• The kids complain of boredom.
• You learn you aren't the type to concern yourself with entertaining them if they're bored.
• They huff off grumpily.
• You go read a book.
• You realize you need to promote YOUR book and get an agent (or go Indie)
• You enter contests. Plural, because they all happen at once.
• The houses your sitting need to be cleaned far more often than you have to do at home.
• You're once again extremely thankful for your mother.
• You tell her that regularly during the week of babysitting.
• People stare because you won't stop hugging your mother in public, not wanting to let go.
• You understand that while you want to be a mother someday, today is not that day.
• Suddenly you're extremely thankful that you're single.
• You realize if Brant asks you out, you'll be okay NOT being single (for the record).
• You start daydreaming about Brant.
• When you come back to earth, you're getting weird looks from the 9yo who has asked you the same question twice and you've yet to respond.
• You tell him you prefer Cupid & Psyche to Perseus.
• You realize this is the coolest 9yo ever.
• Now you can't stop thinking about Greek myths.
• Sleep has become a thing of the past.
• You begin to wonder how people had kids when there was nothing to do - like in Pride & Prejudice.
• You realize you don't know how to sew or mend like those girls did.
• You suddenly have an urge to walk to Merryton.
• Alas, realizing there is no Merryton, you decide to write a blog instead.
• You run out of things to put in the bullet points as you've just alerted yourself to why you're writing the blog.
• The kids want dinner.

Sometimes you just need a good laugh

Random, very little sense above here. My brain is firing in all different directions, and you just got your share of the madness that is my week.

What's the craziest week you've ever had? Do share. I could use the group therapy :)

***Disclaimer 

These kids are awesome, for the record. Super good. Just not mine, and I am not theirs. Makes for some clashing along the way.  However, they're delights, but we're all looking forward to the return of their parents.

Playing Paranoia

It's one of those days.  Ever have them?

You know the kind - the ones where things go wrong.  The ones where only one thing has to tip your scale towards negativity, and then you are paranoid about everything.

Today is one of those  days.

I received the unfortunate and horrible news of an acquaintances passing today. He was in an accident. No survivors.
He's only been married two months. His beautiful, charming wife is now a widow before reaching twenty-five years of age.
He had the uncanny ability to find out what mattered to someone and ask them about that when he spoke to them.

He always asked me about my writing.

Today I grieve for his wife. I know he's dancing (or maybe more appropriately, flying) with Jesus, but it's those left behind who need our prayers and our thoughts.

His death tipped me into gloom. My own brain and enemy have found new ways to take that and make me think the world is out to get me.

Which becomes part two, or rather "Today I'm paranoid and the things that I can't allow myself to believe":

• When someone doesn't text you back - okay, nobody likes being ignored. But on a day like today, not getting a text back after taking the chance to be heartfelt and/or honest (I went with honest. Maybe that was the mistake) starts to make the little voices in your head chant unkind things.
• Things like "You're stupid. They don't like you. Nobody likes you." - A TOTAL moment for the enemy to swoop in and drag you down.
• You combat that with caffeine. 
• That caffeine wires you and now you're trying to figure out if you're bouncing off the wall, or about to have a sugar coma.
• When you talk to someone and they casually nod and offer no return and suddenly you're thinking "oh shoot! What'd I say wrong?"
• When you blog about your insecurities and realize "I can't share this anywhere! I can't let people know I'm crazy!"
• When you post that blog anyway, because you're a blogger and that is what bloggers do.
• When you are traveling to see a friend in a month and start to get panicky about planes, work, and whether or not that friend will hate you after you're their house guest.
• When you keep checking your phone because the people (plural) that you texted are STILL not texting you back.
• The ones you emailed aren't emailing you back either (different people, for the record. I am not THAT crazy...yet).
• When you write out letters to express how you feel, then shred them or hide them in a drawer to never see the light of day.
• When you're too scared to share who you are.

Ah, poignancy. I've reached you.

Here's the truth:

I'm terrified to share myself with people.

That's funny when I run a personal blog.

But I can't see you. I can't see your rejection. I don't have to hear it. I can "delete" the comment (can't unsee it though).

IN person, I'm a guarded mess.  I'm always afraid they'll leave me.

So when they don't text back, I figure I'm annoying. When they don't email, I'm frustrating.

When they nod but don't verbally respond...I'm wasting their time.

I call this ridiculous (hopefully) paranoia Life Draining Paranoia, or LDP.

LDP can hit anyone at anytime (mainly women).  LDP can create fear, depression, and so many other things.

LDP isn't real.

Paranoia is in your mind. It's how you think. It's allowing the negativity of your own self consume you. Allowing the enemy to win.

Go to war. Take down LDP.  It doesn't work always.  It doesn't make things perfect or suddenly sunshine and unicorns and rainbows...

But if you give up the fight, why will others fight for you? 

This is probably the least coherent I've ever blogged, and that's saying something.  I feel better, though, so I'm pleased with the result.

Ever suffer from LDP? Do you play with paranoia? 

Do you have your own sorts of crazy you're brave enough to share here?

I did, so you know I have no room to judge.

A Very Public Potter Rant

Oh Facebook, the things you ruin for the rest of us.

MuggleNet is apparently supporting a "Team Gambon" or "Team Harris" fiasco.

I take issue with this.

Aside from trying to compare apples and oranges, which everyone will ALWAYS have an opinion about, but no one can come to a clear scientific conclusion, asking people to decide between the two Dumbledores is disrespectful.

Here's why.
 

Richard Harris, the original Dumbledore, set a bar so high I don't believe anyone could have met it. Unfortunately, the wonderful and amazing actor died at the 72. We mourned Harris's passing, and all Potter Fans wondered who would (could) step in.

The answer is:
No one.

However, Michael Gambon, a respected and talented actor in his own right, stepped up to the plate.  Did he play Dumbldore different? Unequivocally yes.  Did that mean he was wrong?
Many Potter Fans debate this, but whether it be because he stepped in during the strangest Potter installment (movie 3 POA) or because he wanted to give Dumbledore a new edge, Gambon was here to stay.

You can argue which one was better. Who wore the better hat. Whether you liked Sweet Dumbledore or Strong Dumbledore.

But to pick sides?

That's wrong. It's unfair. It's not cool.

Richard Harris DIED, okay?  He passed.  We lost him.  He didn't quit, get fired, or step down. He died. We didn't have a choice but to get a new Dumbledore. There wasn't an option of keeping him.

Michael Gambon took on a big deal role, not only because of the legacy left by Harris, but because of the grandness that IS Dumbledore.

I mean, seriously. He's the Obi Wan Kenobe/Yoda, the Aslan, the Gandalf of the Harry Potter Series.
It's a big deal.

I don't think it's fair to ask us to choose, because in the end I'm going to choose Dumbledore. The real one. The book one. The sweet man who no one directed (though J.K. Rowling did write).

As a writer I know that characters take on their own selves. Dumbledore is real to so many. Why should we try to attribute him to any actor?  Do we try to say Daniel Day Lewis was the best Lincoln...better than THE Lincoln?

So instead of asking fans to choose, why don't we all just do what's right?

Let's honor Richard Harris's memory.
Let's respect both him and Gambon for taking on this iconic role.
Let's stay true to our Potter selves and not resort to putting who we pick on t-shirts (which feels disrespectful to both, but mainly to Harris's memory).

Maybe I'm crazy.
After all, this is just my opinion.
But then, I've always liked Apples better than Oranges.